The Wind
by icomeundone
Summary: Megan has trouble dealing with her brother's demise. ONESHOT


**A/N:** This drabble was inspired by the song _The Wind_ by Mariah Carey, which such a sweet, sad, emotional song that I absolutely _love_. I originally wanted to make Drake mourn over Josh, but concluded it'd work better with Megan trying to cope with the loss of her older brother instead. She's such an evil little girl, who rarely ever showed any sisterly affection towards her either of her brothers (maybe once or twice, and I don't think that was enough). It's really more like a train of thought, so it's kind of abstract. So, hope you all enjoy and tell me what you think :)

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I wake up today; wake up this morning, sadness fills me knowing you're not here. I wake up today regretful of the things I've done that hurt you. You look down at me, watching as I cry, watching as I yearn to talk to you again, long to hear the sound of your voice.

I call your cell just to hear you speak, to hear you talk, to, for a fragment of a second, believe that you're still alive. And I'm almost tempted to leave you a message, only I know you'll never return any of my calls. I dial your number six, seven, eight times, twenty times, a hundred times. And I want to tell you I'm angry, angry at you for what you did.

And then I can feel the tears burning through my eyes, escaping, pouring out over my face. And I hate crying so much; I try to be strong for everyone else, pretend I'm fine, that I'm coping, but inside I'm breaking, I feel like I'm dying. My heart, my insides are being vehemently torn into pieces.

Nothing'll be the same. This isn't going to go away.

You look down at me and I wonder if you knew. I wonder if you I knew how much I loved you. Wonder if you knew how much I cared. I need you here by my side. I need you here to tell me everything is going to be okay, that you're coming back, that you need me too.

I watch everything go by in a blur, absorbing nothing, appreciating nothing. All that's imprinted in my mind is a vision of you, a presence of you. But you're slipping away. I'm trying to hold on, but you're breaking free of my grasp.

My memory of your face deteriorates, and I get so scared I'll forget, that every trace of your existence will dissipate.

How could you leave me here in pain? How could you leave me here to cry? How could you just give up?

I wake up today, wake up this morning, and I have nothing to look forward to. I sneak into your room and my heart pinches in pain at the sight of your empty bed – of the unusual spotlessness, your untouched guitar. And it makes me livid. It's not like you. It's absolutely nothing like you.

I'm sorry for everything I put you through, of the constant torment you endured because of me. I'm sorry for all the stupid names I called you. I sorry I didn't treat you the way I should've. I can't understand why it all unravelled this way. I can't comprehend why it had to happen.

I know that nothing is ever easy. Nothing is ever fair. And I know I must keep trying to fight through this grief, this discontent, and convince myself this pain will pass. Except I can't stomach it, that you've left me here like this.

Don't you care about everyone you've left behind? Don't you care about the pain you're putting us through? How could you do this to us? Abandon us like this? Abandon us so soon?

You'd barely lived your life. You had so much to offer, so much potential, and now none of it matters. All of those opportunities have washed away with you. This isn't reasonable, this isn't fair. This isn't how it was supposed to be. You were my brother; you were supposed stick by me until the day you died. I loved you so much. Did that mean nothing to you?

I wish you hadn't give up so soon. Wish you didn't succumb to this. I thought you were stronger than that; but I was wrong. I was so wrong.

I'm sorry about the things I did, of all the horrible stream of tricks I played on you. You probably believed I thought poorly of you, that I only saw you as a means of amusement. That I didn't want to have anything to do with you unless I intended to torture you. That you meant nothing to me. I wish you'd known that wasn't true.

I wish I could have told you that, regardless of what others thought of you, my perception of you was different. You weren't stupid; you weren't some egotistical idiot who only looked out for yourself. You were so laidback and carefree; you didn't dwell on the past or worry about the future. You lived in the present; like you knew that was what really mattered, the way most people should but usually don't.

How could you hurt us like this? How could you?

You look down at me, at us, as we cry, for you. For you leaving us.

Why didn't I tell you I loved you? Why didn't I tell you? Why didn't I tell you I cared?

Because now you'll never know.


End file.
